Stoicism for Yuppies
philosophy for the impotent
hey good morning, welcome to weed church. here is a song that I’ve come to associate with Haile Selassie I.
this week we are going to make fun of people who are into Marcus Aurelius, because those guys are so funny, dude. on a personal level it really annoys me because i want to talk about the emperor of Ethiopia (who is actually relevant today) but instead i have to listen to idiots talk about the Rome guy because he’s white.
isn’t that fascinating that a dead pervert from Rome kept a diary? wow! sometimes i wish the Lord would take me so i never again have to be subjected to what other people find interesting.
What’s the Deal with Emotions?
I am tired of Jerry Seinfeld.
Sorry, allow me to be clearer so that readers do not believe that I’m engaging in para-social celebrity discussions: I am tired of prestige media outlets treating Jerry Seinfeld’s publicity tours as a chance to analyze the “State of Comedy” in America. Somebody needs to explain it to me. Jerry is not funny anymore. Jerry has not made anything funny since he stopped working with Larry David. I guess it would be interesting to hear about what was funny in the late 90s, but funny is not static, so Jerry’s idea of funny is now what a rich, successful white guy finds funny.
In other words, Jerry’s idea of funny is no longer funny. That’s the tough thing about the world and time: it keeps moving, so things that used to be funny aren’t funny anymore. Seinfeld the show is still very funny, but Jerry is doing interviews for a movie about Pop Tarts, and based on the trailer the movie about Pop Tarts looks like the same hacky brand marketing that Poptimist loser critics label as satire these days.
Jerry has always been a hack. Remember the American Express ads? The Superman fixation? His entire schtick is being a baby man who whines about minor inconveniences, which was funny until Jerry started dating a teenager in the 90s. Remember that? Kind of funny that people would take advice from a guy who hasn’t made a funny show in 20 years and is sexually attracted to people studying for AP Chemistry. Good advice must be hard to come by these days, I guess.
I don’t begrudge people their Jerry Seinfeld indulgence because everybody is nostalgic for something. Hell, even Jerry can’t let go of the past: in his recent promo run, he’s been spending time spreading the gospel of Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations. Everywhere this guy goes he talks about how much he loves stoicism. You gotta read this Stoicism stuff. And then as is often the case, Jerry justifies his interest in stoicism with the same individualist nonsense that every Western chauvinist loves: isn’t it inspiring that this powerful guy was also stressed out? Almost makes you think there’s nothing you can really do about it! Oh, well. Time to trick your brain into pretending you don’t notice the things that make you feel bad.
The irony of the king of observational comedy preaching the gospel of stoicism is rich enough. On its face, it is incredible to hear a man claim to love stoicism after building a career being so bothered by existence that he notices an endless amount of universal American bugaboos. There’s an additional layer, for me, which is that any famous person talking about stoicism in the modern media environment — where even someone as famous as Jerry has media teams strategizing and stage planning every one of his media appearances — is inherently delusional. Fame seeking and stoicism are not compatible. One can not “go with the flow” and be a famous person because American culture flows towards the famous. It’s not that stoicism is bad as a system of thought but that rich men like Jerry specifically make it aesthetically odious.
I don’t think that any philosophy is inherently bad or good. In fact, I know quite a few personal friends who subscribe to stoicism and it works well for them. Whatever gets you through the day. However, as a foundational philosophy, it strikes me that stoicism is one of the few approaches to life that transcends political boundaries. It’s loved by the affluent neoliberal classes represented by Jerry and the ‘facts don’t care about your feelings’ right wingers. Why? Because stoicism launders western chauvinism under the guise of intellectual inquiry. It is the most American of all major philosophies: who cares, baby? Move on!
At its core, the basic premise of stoicism can be found in the vast majority of religious systems, including indigenous spiritual systems that existed long before the Catholics and Protestants rewrote the history of the Western hemisphere. It can be found in the Vedics and in Chan / Zen Buddhism and in Ainu spiritual systems. It can even be found in certain denominations of Christianity, where congregants are reminded to remain nonviolent and passionless as they note their personal feelings about an unjust and cruel world.
In short, there is only one thing that is unique about stoicism compared to these other faith and philosophy systems: it was written by a European guy. That’s why Jerry likes it. That’s why most affluent white men like it. It is a book by the most powerful white man of all time in popular consciousness, and that powerful man is still impotent to bend the world to his will. The lesson (for morons) is that if Marcus Aurelius couldn’t do it, what hope does the average Joe have? There’s truth to that sentiment, certainly, but it can be a crutch for justifying inaction.
When it comes to reading the work of deceased emperors, Americans would get more value from something like My Life and Ethiopia’s Progress by Emperor Haile Selassie I. It would help to clarify current events, particularly, but unfortunately there’s a good amount of research necessary to even understand the work (the Lion was never especially interested in intellectual hand holding). Unlike Meditations, Haile Selassie I’s autobiography features recognizable characters and nations from 20th century history, helping the reader to see the core insight at the heart of the work: the past must be exorcised rather than ignored.