Weed Church is a newsletter, so technically speaking, I’ve gotta deliver some news every now and again. Usually I just kind of think in text form and print that. Well, this time I’m breaking news. Hard news.
Recently, in my city of Pittsburgh, I have noticed an uptick in Black and Gold Sauce. Black and Gold Sauce is kind of a mustard barbecue type flavor and — for those who eat lots of chicken wings — was only present at a handful of chicken shops. Nowadays, though, when I am ordering chicken, I notice every place has Black and Gold Sauce. Furthermore, I am noticing the Black and Gold Sauce is getting its own signature deviations, with some shops leaning into the tartness and others more the smokiness and still others the spice. Quite frankly, it is the most exciting thing happening in Pittsburgh these days. The increase in Black and Gold Sauce prevalence.
I am sure there are regions / cities with sauces that taste almost exactly the same. However, none of these regions or cities have the Pittsburgh Steelers as their football team, therefore I do not recognize their sovereignty to name a sauce that so clearly involves both blackened and golden ingredients. It is my estimation that Black and Gold Sauce — like tiered healthcare options and the U.S. Defense Department and gentrification — is the newest thing that will resurrect this fair city. Best of all, it involves almost no weird history that makes everyone uncomfortable, as far as I know.
If the Steelers win the division this year, I have absolutely no doubt: there will be a Black and Gold Sauce television segment, and it will take off. There will be people in the Carolinas who complain because it’s basically just their thing, but very few people will care. In socio-political terms there’s this thing called “cultural hegemony” which is a fun thing to read about, and the Pittsburgh Steelers have it over a vast swath of middle America. Black and Gold Sauce is likely to take over your town next.
That’s “The News” from Weed Church this week.